I've just started my second week at Lübeck, and am feeling far more upbeat about it all than I had expected. That said, it's far from perfect: the commute is a pain in the arse (I get back between 7:30 and 8:30 in the evening), my boss has gone a bit crazy (she switches between screaming so loud that you can hear her through two closed doors, utterly ignoring everyone and not telling them basic facts, falling prey to fits of whimsy, and actually being quite nice – though even that is always rather disconcerting!), and, worst of all, there are creepy/kitsch angel friezes on some of the ceilings.
Lübeck itself is a mix of gorgeous medieval buildings and horrible 1970s buildings – a bit like Oxford, except in Oxford at least a handful of things have actually changed since the 70s. It's mostly famous for Thomas Mann and marzipan. Not that I'm sure when I'll have time and inclination to do touristy stuff here – it would involve making an extra trip up at the weekend.
But weirdly, I felt really rather good at the end of the first week. I think it was to do with the fact that the worst was over and that it wasn't that bad, and that I've been more sociable, both with work colleagues (chatting on the train and at lunch) and with some new friends I've made through GayRomeo. A big difference is that for the first time I've actually invited people out to do stuff, rather than just passively accepting invitiations. I'm starting to feel secure in my life out here, and for the first time since the whole Lübeck thing came up I've felt an active desire to actually stay longer-term (which was the conclusion I had come to right before my boss dropped the bombshell about the move). So if I did get MA funding after all, it might be more a dilemma than I had thought whether to accept it.
Fortunately, my newfound sociabilty arrived right in time for my birthday. I plucked up the courage to invite some friends from work out for a meal, and, lo and behold, was not rejected out of hand. I co-opted the celebrations for the harbour birthday anniversary, which in typical German fashion is far more fun than a comparable ceremonial event would be in England. There were tacky illuminated funfair rides and fireworks on the banks of the river itself, and then we wandered through a massive unofficial street party with live music (German ska was particularly cool), real-life punks (you still get them in Germany ... I felt like such a tourist/anthropologist/ wandering through and condescendingly cooing at the fact of their existence) and passersby selling beer from backpacks.
The evening before, I finally felt a bit more settled in at the gay bar I've been going to and chatted with more people – until then, I'd been clinging exclusively to the guy who'd invited me along, and last time I left rather abruptly because I felt I just didn't fit in. But as the evening drew on, the conversation turned to ... philosophy! Thomas Mann! the role played by right-wing extremism in contemporary German politics! the comparative virtues of different video rental systems and Disney animations! the fitness of various German and British actors! I was in my element, though I did leave kicking myself for all the things I should have said but somehow couldn't quite the words for - for some reason, it seemed vitally important that I should have been able to deliver a knock-down argument about why Death in Venice is not straightforwardly homophobic, or why left-wing extremism is not an equal and opposite danger, or why Kant's concept of free will coexisting with determinism was so ingenious, or why Daniel Brühl is definitely fitter than Zac Effron.
I also managed to still fit in plenty of time for DVDs, books and films despite actually attempting a social life ... some thoughts below because I'm in a reviewing frame of mind ...
( Star Trek, West Wing, Michael Cunningham, Max Payne 2 )