I finally decided last week that I am going to stay in Hamburg for at least a year or so longer. After not having stayed anywhere longer than a year since my 2nd year at Oxford, I want to settle somewhere without thinking I have to put my "real life" off until some defined future point like "when I finish Finals" or "when I get a job" or "when I have my Masters". Up to now, my life here has always felt a bit precarious or temporary, but taking an active decision to stay I'm hoping will help me to relax into making the most of where I am now rather than where I may be in a few years' time. I don't think it's going to make me happier and less crazy by itself, but I think it's a prerequisite to that.

Anyway, it means I'm now flat-hunting – I want my own home, rather than feeling I'm living at someone else's. Which means that in the short-term, my life is once again back into the pattern of "I'll do that when I've found a flat" – at the same time that I'll be busy with xmas, planning a website, getting lots of visits and a social life after months without (people I know are actually moving here in addition to friends visiting for the xmas markets), planning lots of trips and travels, and trying to hunt down a therapist. So all at once a lot more hectic after months of calm routine.

Added to this is the fact that suddenly I don't know how I should approach flat-hunting – do I want to be close to work or is the priority to live by myself somewhere comfortable and inexpensive regardless of where it is? Do I want somewhere quiet or somewhere with a lively night life? Do I want to save on costs or should I splash out for somewhere really nice? Should I grab the first vaguely suitable place or should I hang on in there for the possibility of something perfect? Will I not miss all the really nice features of where I live at the moment?

Half the problem is that I can't necessarily use my current life as the basis for how I'll want to live when I'm alone –  current routine and spending are very tightly controlled, but ultimately I want to try and relax out of my current control freakery.

But it will all be good in the end. I've bought shitloads of DVD box sets to help me switch off from the stress in the next few months. And it will be exciting too, which isn't a bad thing after several comparatively empty months.

P.S. My crazy temperamental PC at home decided to change the month. Which is why some of my LJ entries are dated differently.